breathing time.

And I don't want the world to see me Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

there was this line from galileo movie that stayed with me. remember there was a scene and masha and tsutsumi shinichi was walking along the river side where the old homeless people lived, i think it was masha who commented something like 'it's only when you are not following the time, you can get a clockwork-like life.'

this line stuck in me for a long long time. it even made me think why in the first place did we want to have this thing called time? yes initially it was because it will make us more efficient, but i think today it has only made us more inefficient.

finally a break from the hectic life. for the past 2 months life was literally like running on a huge treadmill. very tiring but u cannot stop. it was also when i could finally appreciate what was said in 忙与盲:

忙忙忙 忙忙忙 忙是为了自己的理想 还是为了不让别人失望 盲盲盲 盲盲盲 盲的已经没有主张 盲的已经失去方向。

yes. everyone initially set out for passion, but end up working like mad in order not to disappoint others, aimlessly.

yes. sc09 was cut short because H1N1. and it's especially shocking when people close to you are getting it. everyone else said that they were shocked that we had to stop sc halfway, but i didnt really voice out because seriously i was expecting something like this to happen.

we are practically doing everything the government are asking us not to do. rest more. do not share food drinks. wash your hands (we are not even bathing). and i thought this thing was going to come sooner or later by the way we are doing things. esp when mich heng called me. throughout the whole camp first time an ocomm-er is calling me. and it wasnt an immediate 'hello' but a long pause before she said anything and the clubroom was so noisy. confirm something happen already.

and followed by a rush to get back to school. a lot of ideas from a lot of people. a lot of people are talking and i had no time to even think about other things la. just get everyone back first and then we see how.

so seriously i have to admit i was feeling nothing when we had to end sc. all the time from day0 everything felt so surreal. because for the past one month we have been working so hard for it. meeting ocomm, meeting to do video, meeting to do identities. it was always like 'we must work hard because the prestigious sports camp is coming!!' and on day1 there was more than once i was asking myself 'so this is THE sports camp 2009? not another recee? not another pre-camp?' the feeling was super surreal.

how to say ah. i just felt that this whole thing is like to me a 2.4. from day1 we were all pushing forward for the last lap of 400m and before we could run that lap, there is a lightning in the sky and so we have to stop that run. i dont know whether it could have been better if the camp continued or that it is better we live with this regret.

but at least i know i am literally living a life like a princess. i dont need to leave my room for food, my dad is doing my laundry and have all the time i have to watch all the movies i want, and if i still have some spare time, to practise poking my eyes.